Two Months

We went in for the twins' two month check-up on Thursday, and everything went so well! Here are the Stats:

Winter Rose

Weight: 8.37 lbs-4th percentile

Length: 20.5 in-2nd percentile

Head: 14.6 in-10th percentile

Griffin Shae

Weight: 9.62 lbs- 9th percentile

Length: 22 in-17th percentile

Head: 14.6 in-4th percentile

So Winter has a bigger noggin compared to her size, but Griffin's head is just rounder, so I attribute her huge head to it being what I affectionately refer to as "torpedo" shaped. Her head is long and narrow, his is like a little cantaloupe, haha!

They are both doing great developmentally, but they are good at different things. For example, Winter is smiling a ton, tracks things really well with her eyes, holds her head up pretty well, and makes lots of little cooing noises.

Griffin is great at holding up his head, can roll from tummy to back pretty consistently, tracks with his eyes, and makes a few cooing noises, mostly when I let him just lay in the crib or on a blanket on the floor and wave all his limbs around. He smiles, but not nearly as much as Winter does, and he doesn't "talk" nearly as much either. He's more of a whiner, haha!

They are both great eaters, and I am still doing my best to breastfeed them. I went to a lactation consultant who diagnosed them both with tongue tie, but after talking to the pediatrician, found out that they are actually just fine. Which is great, because the idea of cutting into their mouths made me sad! They are getting better at eating more quickly, and I am only having to supplement a few ounces each day. I am so happy they are doing so well!

They are sleeping pretty consistently as well, they go to bed around eight and wake up at eleven, two, and then they wake up for good around seven or eight each day. It makes it easier to work around their schedules, because they actually have somewhat normal sleep routines now! We also just moved one of the cribs into our bedroom, which has been working well. I was just sleeping on a blow-up mattress since they were born in the nursery, but my back and hips were starting to give me major problems and Thomas was getting lonely, haha! So now he's trying to get used to being in the same room with them, which I'm sure will happen quickly as he begins to sleep through their fussy periods at night!

That's it for now! I will be sure to keep you all updated with their monthly updates at the very least.

Happy Friday!

Sam

Six Week Update

I can't believe it's been six weeks already! In some ways it feels like it's been much longer, and in others it still feels brand new. The twins are doing great, and we are loving every day with our precious squishies.

Winter is now weighing in at 7lbs 9 oz. That's up 2lbs 9oz from birth weight. She doesn't cry much unless she's hungry or needs a new diaper, although she has started getting upset during the "witching hours" between eleven at night and one in the morning. She is our talker, she makes cute noises all day long! And she still smiles much more than her brother, usually right before she poops...haha! We are in love with her cute personality and can't wait to see more of it.

Griffin is weighing in at 8lbs 9oz, up 2lbs 12oz from birth weight. He is our whiner! He likes to "almost cry" and make little whining noises even if he's content. It's hilarious! He also likes to toss his head back dramatically and flail his arms around like a little velociraptor (bent at the elbow, hands and forearms waving up and down), it makes the whining even more humorous to watch and a bit more pitiful, haha! He is definitely a boy, he likes to be moving all the time! If he's awake, he loves to be on his back, all limbs flailing! He will also cry if he's tired, which Winter hasn't really done yet. He does smile, usually right after nursing, and it is a giant, gummy grin! I predict he will be the first to walk, but she will be the first to speak in full sentences. We'll see if I'm right!

As for me, I feel great! I hope it doesn't come across as bragging, because I had nothing to do with it, but after about two weeks my tummy and most of the rest of me looked back to normal. I was wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes (what little I have, anyway) at that point, and found out quickly that many of my dresses and tops don't accommodate my chest anymore. Time will tell if it's just pregnancy/nursing, or if it's a more permanent change! Most of my day is spent nursing or pumping, and since they were so little when they were born we have to supplement them a bit with formula so I still have the joy of preparing and washing bottles after each feeding as well. Hopefully now that they are bigger we can start to drop bottles here and there, and eventually switch to exclusively breastfeeding. Not that I'm against bottles, it's just expensive!

I'll be doing a post on my must haves for these first weeks with twins and a more full update on the twins at two months soon, so look forward to that! :)

Love, Sam

Twin's Birth Story

A lot of my friends have done this, and although I know it's often TMI for most people, I think there's something to be said about reflecting on going through childbirth and allowing your children to read it later as well. I never knew a lot of things about my Mother's experiences with her own five labor and deliveries until I was going through it myself, and I think I would have liked to know a bit! So here goes!

Twins usually come earlier than 38 weeks, which is the absolute cutoff that most doctors will let you go because of the risk of stillbirth. My twins did not. And not only did they not come early, they showed no signs (and neither did my body) of wanting to come out at all! At my 38 week OB appointment, the nurses were all shocked that I had made it that far. I thought that I should at least be progressing somewhat, but no. My cervix was completely closed and so high up the OB couldn't even find it! Awesome. So we decided that because both twins were head down we would try a few things to get my body to go into natural labor before opting for a c-section.

We scheduled my induction for a Thursday afternoon. At around six p.m. a nurse came in and administered cervidil, a cervical ripening agent. The next twelve hours were spent hoping my body would get the hint...so we waited. And waited. I felt nothing. We stayed up all night, wishing for actual contractions to begin, and although I often felt Braxton-Hicks as I has been feeling for weeks, nothing new seemed to be coming of the medication. At six a.m. the next morning, the nurse came to check me and said I was barely over 1 cm dilated. Which then begged the question, would that be enough?? The nurse said it was a close call, and that we needed to choose whether we'd try to go natural still or opt for the c-section. After careful consideration, we decided that a c-section would be our best option, since my body obviously didn't respond well to induction meds. We let the nurse know, and she informed my doctor when he arrived for the day. She returned, and told us the doctor wanted to check me himself  and then chat with us a bit.

Ten minutes or so later, my wonderful, experienced Doc came in, and after checking me gave his informed opinion that i was actually a full 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. He was confident that with help from pitocin and breaking Twin A's water I would be able to deliver within eight hours. Without much time to decide, I asked if he was sure that I would be in the clear for a natural delivery, and while he reassured me of that, he went ahead and broke my water. I was a bit in shock! Here I had already mentally prepared myself for a c-section, and all of a sudden the plans changed. I think the nurses realized that I was overwhelmed and reminded me that I could still choose to do the c-section at any time. Once I calmed down a bit, I was of course thrilled to be doing a natural delivery, which is what I had wanted from the beginning.

They started me on pitocin at around seven thirty in the morning, and told me to let them know when I was ready for my epidural. My doctor had discussed with me that he felt that I should get an epidural no matter what to make sure that if things went unfavorably he could easily transition me to a c-section. At around nine thirty my contractions picked up, and I decided it was time. The anesthesiologist came in and the epidural was placed in minutes. Unfortunately, I guess I wasn't hydrated enough because my blood pressure and Baby A's heart rate plummeted. t was scary to see five nurses rush in, give me an oxygen mask, and put a monitor directly on Baby A's head! I had no idea what was happening, because the blood pressure drop made me super groggy, but I could see the look on Thomas's poor face! He was terrified! Luckily the problem was easily rectified by pumping me full of fluids, and all was well.

Things steadily progresses for the next several hours, and finally I was close to six centimeters dilated and almost 100% effaced! I was happy that things were going well, until I stared feeling a lot of pain again. The nurse told me that was normal, but if I wanted an extra dose in my epidural they could call the anesthesiologist to come give me a boost. I told her to pleas do that, haha! He came in and asked me if I was feeling sharp pain or just pressure, and I said while it wasn't necessarily sharp per se, It was very painful. He gave me the extra meds and left. About an hour later, the extra meds hadn't done anything and I was in more pain than ever due to the fact that my sciatic had begun spasaming with each contraction. Ouch! They called the anesthesiologist back in, where he did a few tests and realized that my epidural had completely failed! He felt kind of bad that he had doubted me earlier, so he was very nice this time and assured me that he would do whatever he could to make me more comfortable. We decided that instead of trying to see if the existing epidural could be used, we would go ahead and redo it. He came in very quickly with the equipment and after a grueling ten minutes of me sobbing on the bed trying to sit still as he pushed on my shoulders (which made my sciatic VERY angry) to get me into position, the new epidural was placed and I finally had some relief!

After that ordeal, I was ready for a little rest, but soon after the epidural kicked in, I was dilated to a 10 and fully effaced! The nurse went to check with the doctor to see if I was okay to push, and he agreed. This was at around 10:15 pm on Friday night. I had been in labor (or trying to go into labor) for over 24 hours. Pushing was so nice, because it finally felt like I could do something productive! My contractions were every few minutes, so we pushed with them for two hours straight. At around 12:15, Baby A was still not quite to the point that we could be transferred to the operating room (where they were going to do the actual delivery) and my contractions were beginning to dwindle.   Like one every six or seven minutes. We continued to push for another half hour, but Baby A was stuck just behind my pelvic bone, and the contractions were too weak to really be of any help, so the doc took us into the OR and decided to use forceps to help get Baby A out.

We were wheeled into the OR, and not fifteen minutes later Baby A-a boy we named Griffin Shae-was born. He came on April 18th at 1:03 a.m., 5 lbs, 13 oz, 19 inches long. Shortly after he was born, they broke Baby B's water and used a vacuum to help deliver her. Baby B-a girl we named Winter Rose- was born at 1:13 a.m., she was 5 lbs even and 18 inches long. Both babies were healthy and screaming, and I got to hold both of them right away. They were perfect! I was in love! Winter was crying before Thomas set her on my chest, and then she immediately stopped when she heard my voice. It was a moment I'll never forget.

Now the fun starts! The doctor had been massaging my stomach this entire time, trying to get my placentas to release. No dice. They took the babies from me, and the doctor began to look worried. Apparently if your placenta doesn't come out quickly enough you are at high risk for hemorrhaging and other nasty things like infections. No bueno. I didn't know this at time, so I didn't understand the gravity of the situation until (at this point I will warn you, it gets a lot TMI if you want to stop reading...) the doctor PUT HIS WHOLE ARM INSIDE ME. Literally! He started manually removing (ripping) the placentas from my uterine wall. This was uncomfortable, to say the least! Even with a functioning epidural it was excruciating, to the point that I begged him to stop. They called that poor anesthesiologist down. He gave me enough pain medication to do an actual c-section, but instead of going into effect immediately, it took over ten minutes to have any effect on me. After that I don't recall anything, but apparently (I was told later) they ended up putting me into twilight sleep (like when you get your wisdom teeth out) because i was in so much discomfort.

I woke up two and a half hours later being wheeled back into my room, where my sweet, terrified husband had been doing a fantastic job of keeping it together and doing skin-to-skin with our precious newborns. I wasn't allowed to sit up to nurse them because they had doped me up so much that my blood pressure was dangerously low, but I held onto those little bundles as much as I could until they gave me the all clear to sit up and nurse. After that It was smooth sailing! My recovery has been a breeze due partly to the fact that they spent so much time scraping out my poor uterus! I know, gross.

Later the doc and the anesthesiologist both came in to check on me and explain exactly what had happened to me after I knocked out. We were all very grateful that we had decided to re-do the epidural, as without it they probably would have had to put me completely under anesthesia which would have been much more dangerous and had much worse effects for me. We were released on Sunday night, and life has been crazy and wonderful ever since!

Life as of late

I know I am terrible at blogging. But this is kind of like my online journal, and right now I feel the need to capture the moments before they're just a distant, fading memory. So this is my attempt to document the last nine months...

Pregnancy was pretty easy for me. I didn't get sick, I just got more tired than I though was humanly possible. I wanted to sleep through my entire first trimester! I could easily sleep twelve hours a night and still take a three hour nap after work. At the time I was working full-time the the MTC as a cook, and although it wasn't strenuous, I would often just collapse into bed at the end of my shift. As I entered my second trimester, I had found a different job working as a sandwich maker at a little family-run place in Provo, and I loved it! It was less demanding on time and energy, and I was grateful for the change from a huge operation serving 400-600 people three times a day to feeding just a lunch rush.

The third trimester was probably the worst, but really I have no reason to complain. I did have my bouts with sciatica and general uncomfortableness, but by large and part I wasn't really suffering from anything but lack of sleep.

Thomas, as always, was a champ. Despite being in school full-time and working full-time to support us, he always made time for his suddenly very emotional wife. That man is a saint. He frequently went to the store/Wendys/Chik-Fil-A/Cubby's when I wanted something in particular, and always made sure I had plenty of chocolate!

So as far as the pregnancy part of babies, that wasn't too hard. My body did really well carrying our two little munchkins. A little too well, actually, but more on that later.

As for the rest of life lately, things are going well! Thomas is done with school for the summer, so other than a few easy online classes he is just working. I love it! I am so excited for the day that he can be done with school and we can have hubby/daddy in the evenings and on the weekends.

After Thomas graduates next April, we have pretty much decided to stay in Utah and job hunt here. There are a few reasons for this, one being that, surprisingly, Utah has become quite the tech hub in recent years, and another being that when we decide we are ready to expand our family, being in close proximity to the U of U will be so much easier than having to come in and out of the state for several weeks at a time. Of course, life has a funny way of messing up the best laid plans, but for now that's what we're looking at doing in the near future.

We are settling into our new roles as parents now and look forward to updating everyone on the twins as much as possible! Stay tuned! 

A New Beginning

I think most of you know now that our first round of IVF was successful! We are expecting twins, and my official due date is May 1st, 2015! Needless to say, we are ecstatic! We hoped and prayed and fasted with all of our family for this outcome, and we are so excited to start our family! I hesitated to share the news too publicly as I am only 8 1/2 weeks right now, but with so many people following our journey up until this point, I figured I would share!

So far I haven't had any morning sickness, which has been a real blessing! The nurse who helped with my first sonogram was impressed that I wasn't sick at all, especially considering that I'm having twins. My main symptom has been fatigue, I feel like I just want to sleep all the time! Luckily I get to take a nap most days, but on the days I don't I really struggle through the afternoons.

My insides also already feel like they've shifted a bit, and things feel funny. I am so paranoid about everything after what we went through to get to this point that it was a huge relief to hear both of those sweet heartbeats last week! I am sure I will be antsy until we pass the 13 week mark, and any happy thoughts and prayers you'd like to send my way would be greatly appreciated!

I know it comes down to having faith and trust in my Heavenly Father, and I am trying to be diligent in putting aside my worry. It's one of those things that is really hard right now, but I know if I rely on Him I will be blessed through this experience. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have had to even carry a child, let alone two! I am so excited for what the future brings, and know that we will continue to be blessed according to our faith. I am so grateful for all the love and support Thomas and I have gotten through this from friends and family, and we are so happy that we have been able to live in a place with such incredible opportunities for our family.

I promise to keep you all updated, and as soon as I stop just looking fat and start looking pregnant, I will start posting belly pics!

Until next time!

<3 p="" sam="">

It's Time!

Everything has been leading up to this week. All the hormones, blood tests, shots, and doctor visits are coming to fruition in just a few short days! My sister, our egg donor, flew in last Saturday. We had several ultrasounds each to determine what stage we are at, and what the timeline was for the rest of the week. On Wednesday night she had her trigger shot, which matured the eggs she had produced. This morning was the retrieval!  We had been told we could expect 11 eggs...But there were 14 closer enough to extract! That's awesome! Off those 14 there will be some that won't fertilize, but we are hopeful that we will be able to have a few pregnancies! Only five days until we transfer the embryos, then we wait again. We will find out if we are pregnant on August 25th. I'm excited and nervous, but most of all I have faith that no matter what comes from this we are doing the right thing for our family. 

Hormones: The Continuing Saga

So I am now in the throes of hormone therapy. I have noticed a few things, most of them not really terrible, but just different, and some downright obnoxious. WARNING: This post contains TMI.

One of the first things I have noticed-my boobs are huge. Like, at least a full cup size larger! It's incredible! It's not really a bad thing, except my bras don't fit and I don't really want to pay to replace them. So for now, I have to deal with the dreaded "double boob" that comes with a too-small bra. Also, the girls are tender. Not so much that it really hurts, but enough that I notice. I can only hope that it won't get too much worse when I'm actually pregnant!

Since I started the Lupron injections on Sunday, I have been really fatigued. I can easily sleep for twelve hours and still be tired. This doesn't surprise me, as it has happened to a lesser extent on other hormones, but I am not a fan. I feel useless, and it annoys me that one tiny little injection can make such a huge impact on my energy level.

The crazy has begun. Luckily, Thomas has escaped the bulk of my hormone induced wrath, but some of my co-workers aren't so lucky. I have very little patience with people who can't do their jobs correctly, and am having a tough time keeping it to myself these days. Fortunately for me, most of my co-workers think my angry face is adorable and not at all scary. This helps with not getting fired. Plus everyone there loves me, and I can basically do no wrong. This also helps with the not getting fired.

I have been alternately hot and cold, so much so that in one day I can go from a "clothes are SO not happening right now" to a "it's Antarctica in here, bring me a soft blanket stat!" mood very quickly.  It could have something to do with our schizo thermostat, but Thomas doesn't seem to have any issues...

So all in all, it's been good! I'm sure it'll get more intense as the time for the embryo transfer comes nearer, but I really believe that with the help of my Father in Heaven I can do anything! I have felt His love and support, and I know that He is always there to help me.

Bring on the babies! ;)

And so it begins!

I started on my first round of hormones a few days ago. This first round begins with a hormone called estradiol, and as the name suggests, it is a form of estrogen. I am supposed to take it for about a month, then add in progesterone.

Progesterone causes the crazy to come out.

I haven't ever been on estradiol before, and so far it hasn't made me too crazy, for which I am grateful! The main side effects I have discovered are fatigue and headaches. I haven't ever really had a problem with headaches before other than the occasional "haven't had enough sleep"/ "too much sleep" variety. But since I started the regimen I have had an almost constant throbbing pain, and around the early afternoon I have a distinct "slump" in my energy levels.

I have taken progesterone before, and let me tell you: I become utterly insane.
Random crying, irritability, and the tendancy to be very emotional in general have my poor husband running for cover and throwing chocolate at the wife-beast on an hourly basis.

Once, while on progesterone at the beginning of last year, I spent the better part of four hours crying.  That's right. Four hours. I cried in the shower, on the couch, while getting ready for my night shift as a waitress (didn't help with the makeup application, that is for darn sure), and riding my bike to said job. I only barely got under control to serve tables. This is what hormones do to me, they make me a slobbering pile of girly emotions with a healthy dose of angry and bloaty. Lovely.

Luckily it's all going to be worth it, and I would gladly go through just about anything to have a child, but sometimes I wonder if Heavenly Father made me hormoneless so the world wouldn't have to deal with me on full girlzilla mode all the time! ;)

Everything is coming together, and we are on schedule to do the embryo transfer in August! The fourth week in August is the magic time when we will find out if it worked! I'll try to keep you all updated, thank you for all the support!

Love, Sam

There is something about springtime!

It just makes me want to go outside, eat more fruit than any one person should, and have Bar-B-Ques and picnics. I love Spring and Fall, because they aren't too hot or too cold, and both are periods of transition. This Spring I have a bit more on my mind than usual. I tend to be a restless sort of person, mainly due to the constant moving I did while growing up in a military family. As a result, I am always anxious to move on to the next adventure, sometimes to the detriment of my current situation. I also and a very impatient person. When I decide I want to do something, I want to do it NOW! Whether it be something simple like painting a room another color or something big like moving to another place.

At other times in my life, I could really go from making a decision to following through with it in a matter of days. When I graduated from college, I had less than two weeks before I up and moved to Germany for 13 months. When I came home, I stayed with my parents for a while as I figured out what I wanted to do next, but we got tired of each other pretty quickly, and when I decided to move out, I found a place with roommates and moved out in less than 24 hours.

Yeah. I'm like that.

But now, I'm in a different situation. With Thomas in school and working full-time, we don't really have the option to up and move whenever I want. We can't even move apartments, as we have to find things that are pet friendly (and those kinds of places are few and far between here in Provo). I shouldn't switch jobs, because I love what I do and have awesome coworkers, so that's out. I can only dye my hair so many times before it all falls out, so that isn't happening either.

Basically, I am ready for a change. And Thomas is willing to do anything he can to make me happy, including trying to shove two years of school into less than a year so we can move on. So for the past couple of months, we have been planning out exactly how hard we both have to work so that we can graduate, do IVF, and not go into a horrendous amount of debt in the process.

We added and re-added all the credits that Thomas has left, when he could take them, how much we would both have to work, how much it is going to cost for IVF and school at the same time, and how to time everything so it works out just right. And then I realized...

It can't be done. Sure, if I didn't want to see my husband for the next years straight and stress both of us out, neglect our sweet dogs, and possibly go bankrupt, we could probably do it.

But i like my husband, and I love spending time with him. I love it when he's not super stressed out. I love cuddling my puppies. I really love cuddling my hubby.

And so last night, after wrestling with it for a few days, praying and really deciding what my priorities are, I told Thomas we needed to slow it down. Instead for running ourselves into the ground, we are going to take an extra semester and graduate in December of 2015 instead of April 2015. I have felt so much peace after making this decision, and as much as I dread spending more time in Utah, it's better than having an absentee husband for a year. And I can endure anything if I just put on my big girl panties and suck it up! ;)  I know whatever lies in store for us, that we will do it together, and with The Lord on our side, how can we not succeed?

I am grateful for the promptings of the Spirit. I am grateful I am in tune enough to realize when the Holy Ghost is telling me something that I should be doing even when I don't really want to hear it. I know that If I continue to heed those promptings I will be blessed, and so will my family. And as much as I rebel against being here in Utah, I know it's where we need to be right now.

I broke down and got a Utah driver's license today. So I guess it's official...I'm a Utard. For the time being, at least! ;) I really am enjoying being close to family, and friends from college. I am grateful for the new friends I have made, and for the great ward we are in. I know if I can just have a better attitude, I will be able to have a good time here and continue to make our time here pleasant!

And yes, you can go ahead and be proud that I blogged twice in one month.

Until next time!

Much love,
Sam

I Can Do Hard Things

WARNING: This post contains medical acronyms and may at some points be considered borderline over-sharing. If this sounds embarrassing to you, please refrain from reading.

I have given up on being good at blogging regularly. I'm sure when I have something more exciting to blog about, I will be more inclined to do so. But right now, about every six months I can gather enough material to make a good post. If you have a desperate need for more regular updates, please see my Facebook/Instagram accounts, they are more regularly updated with the daily goings-on. Although, if you are currently reading this, you probably already see the inordinate amount of pug pictures and work shenanigans I post. ;)

Moving on...

It's been a crazy six months. Since I last posted we have:

1. Moved. We now live in a cute three bedroom apartment smack in the middle of the Provo low-income neighborhood. Our complex is an oasis of nicely kept lawn, clean sidewalks, and nicely clothed children in the midst of the ghetto. Or as much of a ghetto as Provo can boast, at least.

2. Adopted two pugs, one three years old (Phoebe) and one four-month-old puppy (Daphne). They are adorable and keep us on our toes.

3. Taken two trips back to Colorado, once for Thanksgiving (we stayed in  Florence with Thomas's family) and once to welcome my younger brother Jordan home from his mission to Brazil (we stayed with my family in Colorado Springs). We had so much fun both times, and look forward to when we can visit again.

4. Almost finished two more semesters of school. Thomas is in the middle of finishing final projects for his classes, and is ready for school to be done. He has a two summer terms and two full semesters left before he graduates. We are both ready to be done, and are trying to decide where we want to be when the time comes. We are lucky enough that with Thomas's degree, we can pretty much have our pick of places to go. I am helping by looking at all the fun houses for sale in several of our top city choices...

5. I started teaching a beginners beading class at a cute little shop in Orem, and also applied for and landed a part-time job at the See's Candies in the University Mall. If anyone needs some truffles, I've got the hook-up. I also get to wear a super fun white dress that resembles something a nurse would wear in a nursing home. It has a giant black bow on the front of it. I'm excited!

6. Found out we will never have biological children. And now the over-sharing begins! It's kind of a long story, but that's what blogs are for, right? So it all starts back when I was an angst-ridden teenager...(cue flashback music and fade effects)...

When I was eighteen years old, my periods stopped. Assuming it was due to being severely overweight, I didn't worry about it. At the time I had a lot of other things on my mind, and having children wasn't even on the list. As time went on and I lost weight, it still didn't really concern me. I figured they would start up again once my body adjusted to it's new weight.

They didn't.

Again, being single, I didn't worry too much. Years passed, I graduated from college, moved to Germany, moved back to the states, started jobs, and lived life.

Then I finally got married. And the infertility talks started. I knew something was amiss, as I had not had a naturally-occurring period in almost eight years. I began seeing a doctor. When he told me I was infertile for reasons unknown to him, I sought a second opinion. The second doctor told me that not only was I infertile, but he suspected I could possibly have a tumor, I again switched doctors. This time I took the recommendation of a friend and went to a reproductive endocrinologist at the UofU. He ran one blood test. It told us all we needed to know.

I am barren. I have no ovarian reserve. No genetic material of any kind to contribute to a child. I was a bit devastated at the news. After being told three times that I could never conceive a child, it was finally real. I cried. I wondered why. And after about thirty minutes of wallowing in self-pity, I stopped crying and started making a plan. I called my sweet husband and explained the situation. I told him the options, and we decided on a course to take.

Basically, I am healthy and will most likely have no problem carrying a child to term. I just have no way of creating one on my own. So I could either adopt, or I can find an egg donor. Luckily, I have a sister who is more than willing to donate her eggs so that Thomas and I can have children. She has been an incredible blessing to us, and we are amazed at her willingness to go through this journey with us. because of her sacrifice, Thomas and I will be able to do IVF with a known donor, and chances are it will still even look a bit like me! We have already started the process, and are looking to do the actual procedure in August of this year. We are so blessed to have this opportunity, and are looking forward to being parents hopefully next year! It will be a hard and long road, but since when has anything that is worth doing been easily done?

I am continually amazed at the love and mercy that Thomas and I have been shown by out Father in Heaven. We are so grateful for our trials, because through them all we have become closer to and more aware of our Savior. Every day we are blessed with the knowledge of the Gospel and of it's eternal truth. I know my Father lives, that He loves me, and that through His Son, Jesus Christ, I can obtain a remission of my sins. That I can live with my father in Heaven again. I love my life and cannot give enough thanks for the joy I have received in it. I hope that you all can feel that love for yourselves, and that you can feel of my love as well.

Love,
Sam :)

New Job!

I feel like I bounce around jobs a lot. Why is that? Probably because is the last three years, I have had five jobs. Woof.

And now I've done it again.

But this time, I'm in love. I am a cook at the MTC. It's fantastic! I only have to make two meals a day, and the clean up is a breeze. I work with great people, and we have a lot of fun together. I am excited to see what happens in the future with this job.

In other news, Thomas is now fully into the swing of school and work. He is taking a lot of classes, and sometimes I worry that he has taken on more than he can handle. But he is an incredible person. He does such a good job, and is so smart! I am so proud of him, and how much he still seems to do for me in between all the other things he has going on.

We also bought a car! We got a Ford Fusion, 2011, and she is beautiful! We named her Penelope. So far she is the best car either of us have ever driven, and I am grateful every day for the climate control, the heated seats, and the interior lighting. Thomas is just happy it syncs with his phone. And that it has a V6 engine. He likes the "zoominess" of it. Let's just say we're hooked, and love that we were able to find such a great car for a price we can afford.

We are still going strong with our Foodist diet, and are loving the variety of veggies we can get at the local farmer's market. Speaking of which, I want some ideas for something you would buy at a Farmer's market. I would like to start a business next summer and need ideas for things to teat/perfect so when the next season starts I can be ready!

I guess the last update is that I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get a second opinion about my infertility. I don't have high hopes of finding out that I can have children, but I'm not ready to close that door forever without a second opinion. Thomas and I have also been looking into adoption, and are excited to pursue that in the next year or so. Wish us luck! 

Update

So this post is thanks to Anne Trent, a lovely gal I worked with once and liked so much I decided to be friends with her and bother her with randomness and go lingerie shopping with her. Fun times! She probably is going to read this tonight, so Anne, this one's for you. You little creeper you.

So. School has started again! Thomas is just settling in, having now been to all of his classes and shuffled a few things around. He has a comfy 16 credits, and we have decided that to get out of Provo faster (which we are both a big fan of...) he will be going to school year-round. As much as he hates school, we hate staying here more. Not that Provo is particularly bad, but it's just...a stepping stone. And the sooner we can move on, the sooner we can get on to real life!

Really I just want to find the house of my Pinterest dreams. Go ahead, judge me.

As for me, I am still working at Tho Old Towne Grill in Provo. I am a line/prep/pastry chef, and I like it. Although, I recently interviewed for a position at the MTC, and I REALLY hope I get it. It would be awesome to work at the same place as Thomas, and the pay and hours are better. Which would be awesome. It seems every time I try to branch out from kitchen jobs I end up right back where I started, and Provo/Orem doesn't have childcare jobs. Mostly because everyone stays home with their kids. Which is awesome, but I miss my toddler class from Colorado. I wish I could do that same kind of thing here.

Speaking of kids, I know most of you are probably wondering why I haven't had any of my own yet, as you know I want kids NOW. Well, there is an easy answer for that. I am messed up, and most likely can't have children naturally. There is  a small chance I could do some intensive fertility stuff, but that is incredibly expensive. So for now, it looks like it will be just Thomas and I for a good while.

Strangely, when I found out it would take a miracle for me to conceive the old fashioned way, I was upset for only a little while, and then I was overwhelmed with peace. I felt very strongly that this wasn't something I needed to worry about, and I am content to wait for the Lord's timing.

In other news, My parents and younger brother Westin are now all safely in Saudi Arabia. They just took their first trip to Dubai and had a great time seeing all the craziness that is indoor malls in the Middle East. I am insanely jealous of their adventures and can't wait to go on a few with Thomas. I have been obsessed with cooking shows lately (go figure) and want to visit all these amazing restaurants around the country and the world that they visit.

Also, on the note of food, I have decided to become a Foodist. If you don't know what that is, go and get yourself a copy of "Foodist" by Darya Pino Rose, and your mind will be blown. It literally changed the way I look at food and health. We now eat a LOT of green things in our house, have pedometers, and actively go to the gym six times a week. I am loving it! I also switched to soymilk, which has been awesome, and take vitamins. Hopefully this new job will pan out and I can actually afford the vitamins I want (I have expensive taste, okay?).

That is just like me, wanting fancy vitamins.

To be fair, I want a lot of fancy things, but I control myself because we are saving our money for adventures. Which are also fancy, in a different way.

Okay, so there you have it! The update on our lives!

P.S. I am hosting a dinner this Sunday, I will post on it. If I don't have a post up by next Tuesday, feel free to text me and remind me that you need me to write on my blog so you have something interesting to read while procrastinating doing more useful things with your life.

The Lowdown

It seems that it always takes a while for me to write a post, so I might as well stop apologizing, as you are well used to it by now. Luckily, I have mono, and thus I have large amounts of time to spend doing nothing but updating this blog. Yay! Kudos to those of you who have read over the years, I used to be much better about posting. I guess I used to have more to say. Or just more that I thought was interesting. Anyhoo, here we go again.

Since the last time I posted, several months ago, Thomas and I have taken a couple of vacations, so we'll start there. In May we took a road trip out to California for almost two weeks. Thomas was excited to show me his mission and I was excited to show him the Bay Area and my Grandparents home in Morgan Hill. We drove out to the Bay Area first and spent four wonderful days with my Grandma and Grandpa Loutensock at their gorgeous home on a lake. We spent quite a bit of time with the Bassetts as well, my Aunt and Uncle and their five kids in San Jose. We saw the Muir Woods, the Warf, Boudin Sourdough factory, and Ghirardelli Square. It was a blast! After spending time there, we drove down to Santa Maria, stopping for a couple of hours at Solvang, the adorable little Ducth town. It was fun and reminded me of Germany a bit. In Santa Maria we had dinner with a friend of Thomas's and then continued down to Simi Valley in SoCal to see the Syewarts, some of Thomas's best mission friends. While there we went to Venice Beach, Ojai, Thousand Oaks for sushi with the Maynards (more mission friends), and Santa Monica with my best friend Casey and her adorable daughter Amelie, after which we ate some amazing authentic ramen at an asian food court. All in all, we had an awesome time and look forward to going every year we are in school, as it is close and we have friends and family who will graciously open their homes to us!

After we got home, it was business as usual. Both Thomas and I are working hard and enjoy spending time at the local rec center where we swim, work out, and play racquetball. Thomas has become quite the racquetball player, and luckily the Joe half of our friends Joe and Mindy loves to play and has an extra racket! Happy day! Mindy and I keep busy with Korean dramas while they are playing, and have a great time laughing at the absurd story lines and heartfelt musical numbers.

Last week Thomas's family went up to Yellowstone to camp and check out the park. We decided to join them. We drove up, stopping for a brief trip down memory lane as I showed him around my Alma mater in Rexburg. We camped just outside of West Yellowstone, a place I well remember visiting with Casey when we stayed at her Grandparent's cabin in Island Park during college. We toured the smelly pits of clay and the sulphuric glassine pools of Yellowstone, not forgetting to see 'Ol Faithful on the way. We even saw a bear and some deer!

It was a blast camping with The Tingey clan, and we were sad to leave them.

On Sunday of last week, tragedy struck. I came down with Mono. Ick. So for the foreseeable future I will be limiting my escapades severely, including work. Unfortunately, I got mono the week of my grandparent's 50th anniversary celebration here in Utah. I was supposed to spend as much time as possible gallivanting around with family I haven't seen in years and having a grand old time. Instead I did three small outings where all that was required was sitting in a chair and trying to stay awake. I was glad I got to do that much, as my Mom and youngest brother are leaving for Saudi Arabia in a week. We at least got to say goodbye and good luck. I love my all of my family so much, and I am very blessed to have gotten to see so much of them lately. I know as my parents start out on this new adventure that they will be a blessing to all that they meet, and that they will make that part of the world a brighter place.

That's it for the "what we've been up to" update! I will probably be writing again soon, as this is really all I have left after Hulu runs out of fun things to watch.

Rainy Day Post

So...It's not actually raining, but since I have a cold and I have spent most of the last two days moping around, I thought it was an appropriate title.

Lately life has been pretty normal. Thomas finished up his third semester at BYU in April, and despite going to Colorado for his brother's mission farewell in the middle of finals, he passed all of his finals with flying colors.

The trip to Colorado was a ton of fun, and we both enjoyed seeing our families. We drove down on a Thursday morning and spent the remainder of Thursday and all day Friday with my family in Colorado Springs. It was kind of a goodbye visit for me, as my Mom and younger brother Westin are going to be moving to Saudi Arabia (hopefully) soon. Thomas took Westin to see the new Tom Cruise movie on Friday morning, and I went downtown with my Mom for some QT. We went to the awesome german store for some sentimental imports, walked around Tejon street, and even got a parking ticket! ;) It was great to see them, and we had a really nice time hanging out.

On Friday night we drove down to Florence and spent the rest of the weekend with Thomas's family. On Saturday we hung out and ran a few errands for the farewell party. On Sunday we went to church and listened to Jon's great talk, then went home after church and helped with last-minute prep for the party that afternoon. My Mom and brother both came for church and the party, so we hung out with them for a bit before they headed back to the Springs. We headed back to Provo the next day, regretfully. It was such a great trip!

Life in Provo is uneventful. Thomas is working full-time at the MTC for the summer, and I am still at Old Towne Grill serving and making desserts. We are looking forward to going out to California at the end of the month, so stay tuned for a more interesting post in June!

Spring!

It's finally warming up here in Provo! I am so excited to take advantage of the warm weather, riding my bike to work, going on walks, going for picnics...I plan to fully take advantage this year!

As far as updates, there aren't many. I am still working at the restaurant as a chef and server. Thomas is still working at the MTC and just signed a contract with a startup as their back-end programmer.

We have been doing some fun things lately, though. Thomas had the chance to go with a friend to Virgin, UT to go mountain biking a few weeks ago. He had a great time, and while he was gone, I hung out with a good friend (who happens to be Thomas's friend's wife, Rachel) and have some good girl time. We got pedicures, dyed our hair, and just chatted. It was a great weekend!

This past week we went and walked around Park City, which was also fun. It was a cute little town, and we enjoyed just strolling around looking at overpriced souvenirs together.

We are planning on going home to Colorado in a few weeks for Thomas's brother's farewell, which should be fun. And in May we have a road trip to California planned, and I am so excited to go!

So...that's it. Not super exciting, I know, but hopefully I will be a better updater in the future.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Well, for those of you who o not frequent Facebook, my parents are moving again. This time they are going back to a place we have already lived in, but they are going to be living in a different city. They are moving to...(drumroll, please)...Jeddah, Saudi Arabia! It is a coastal trade city on the Red Sea, and is probably the most Western-minded city in Saudi. I am very excited for them, as this is a dream opportunity for my Dad, and my youngest brother, Westin, never had the chance to travel outside the US and will enjoy the opportunity to do so now. My Mother, I am sure, will be just fine, although I question whether she is as excited about this as my Dad and brother. Living outside the US has never been an issue before, but now that all but one of her children are living out of the house and are not going to accompany them to Saudi, I think she will miss being close enough to her only grandchild (as of right now) to see him almost weekly. Once more grand kids come along, I wonder if that will be difficult, living somewhere that is extremely difficult to visit, and being limited to one vacation a year to come back an see everyone here in the states.

I know that no matter where my parents are, they will thrive and enjoy the new experiences, and Thomas and I plan on making at least one visit to Europe in the near future (meaning the next three years...) and that would be close enough to Saudi that we could conceivably meet up somewhere. I am excited to see all the adventures they have overseas, and I am glad that I had experiences with Saudi Arabia when I was a child so I know that despite what you hear on the news about the Middle East, I know they will be safe.

As far as Thomas and I go, nothing much to report. We are still trucking along here in Provo, and Thomas is a few weeks into a new semester, which he informs me is going to be a good one. I am doing more and more in the kitchen at work, and got a new chef coat that actually fits me. It is also pink. I like to make sure everyone knows that, as the only female chef in the restaurant, I am going to make my mark and make very sure nobody forgets that I am a girl. And that I am also awesome.

Until next time!

I know. I fail at blogging. And there really is a lot going on at the moment, so I can't use the "lack of content" excuse. So if you're ready for an update overload, we'll get started!

I guess the last time I updated was before Halloween, so I'll start there.

For Halloween, Thomas and I hung out with some friends of ours, Brant and Rachel. They are some of our favorite people, and it was a fun time. We ate dinner in a pumpkin, chatted, and then watched a movie. The movie was horrible. I spent the entire film trying to make my head disappear into my husband's chest. It was tragic. But on the bright side, I did get to wear my Dirndl! Yay!

On to November...much of which I don't quite remember, just because it was a long, long time ago. And also, I don't pay attention.

But, some highlights from November are-

1. We totaled our car on the way to Thomas's grandparent's house. We hit a deer, and yes, it did die. So did our car.

2. Since we only had one car left, I decided to find a new job closer to home. So I now work in Provo at a restaurant. I quite like it!

3. Thomas started a new job on the side doing web development for a start-up company in Oregon. so far it's been going very well! Thomas is enjoying it, and I am happy he is having fun.

4. I attended a friend's wedding the weekend before Thanksgiving. It was amazing, and Tyane was a beautiful bride! I was only in Seattle for around 48 hours, but it was a blast!

Then we have December.

At the beginning of the month I was transitioning from my job at Thanksgiving Point to my job in Provo. It was working double shifts for a while, which was horrible, and Thomas was studying for finals, so we were super busy. When things settled down, Thomas was taking his finals, and I started exclusively waiting tables. Which I am great at, by the way. ;)

Thomas got to go and spend a few days with some mission friends in California for a mission homecoming of one of his close friends. He had a great time, and I barely survived without him. Needless to say, I very much prefer to have him home!

For Christmas, we went home to Colorado for a few days. It was a short trip, and we had a lot of fun. For the first few days, we were in Colorado Springs with my family. We ate some great food, spent some quality time with my nephew, who is the cutest nephew to ever grace the earth, and caroled out hearts out on Christmas Eve. I loved it! Thomas suffered through the caroling, but he had a great time as well. After caroling and opening a few family gifts, Thomas and I headed down to Florence, Colorado for Christmas with his family. we got some Christmas Eve pajamas and did a bit of sibling bonding with the Tingey clan.

On Christmas morning we waited for Grandma and Grandpa Goff to come over, and then opened presents. The rest of the day was super lazy, and wonderful. We just ate some Christmas ham and lots of Christmas cereal. (One of the funny coincidences that Thomas and I discovered when we got married was that both of our families give "junk" cereal in the kid's stockings, and that is basically lunch and dinner on Christmas day.)

The day after Christmas we also spent with the Tingeys, and then headed home on the 27th. We had a great time in Colorado, and look forward to visiting a lot as we finish up school here in Utah.

When we got home, we had a relaxed new year, and celebrated by kissing....at 12:03. Oops.

We are looking forward to what 2013 will bring, and already have lots of fun things going on! Thomas has a new semester of classes, and he is getting excited about all the possibilities that are open to him right now. I am excited about all the possibilities that we have for the future, and I'm excited to share them with you!

I won't make it a resolution, but I hope to be more diligent in the future about blogging.

We'll see.

The Best

I know people say this a lot. Especially newlyweds. But let me follow that trend.

I HAVE THE BEST HUSBAND EVER.

I know you thought you did. Or that you will at some point. But for me personally, I could not have asked for anyone more perfect for me if I wanted to. It's like we were made to go together, like puzzle pieces. We fit.

Let me demonstrate.

Yesterday was my day off. I had big plans, including a quick job interview, doing laundry and dishes, and taking a shower. Oh yeah, it was going to be an awesome, lazy day off.

But alas, it was not to be. I had one of the busiest, most wonderful days off. I did go to a job interview. I did start the laundry. But for most of the rest of the day, I cuddled with my husband, went and ran errands with him, and saw a movie with him. We just spent time together. It was amazing.  I realized at one point, when he had tucked me under the blankets because I was cold, and he started folding the laundry, that I love him more than I though was possible.

It's like my heart has expanded, taking in and giving out more love than I ever though was possible. Mushy, I know. But it's an amazing feeling to both love and be loved so much.

I love taking care of my husband. But I am so grateful that he also loves me and loves taking care of me when I need it. His concern and love shows in everything he does for me, whether it's taking me out on a date or scraping my car in the morning. And I am amazed every time, because it means he loves me. His actions every day show me how very much he loves me and wants me to be happy.

In some small way, I can glimpse what my Heavenly Father feels for me in the love I have for Thomas. I know one day I will have children, and I will feel an even greater part of His love. I am so grateful for the love of my Heavenly Father, and for the love of my incredible husband.

Busy!

It's been a busy few weeks! At the beginning of October Thomas and I had the privilege of going to my friend Anne's baby blessing. It was beautiful, and I very much enjoyed getting to see Anne and her family again. I did her wedding cake a few years ago, and it is so fun to see her and her husband and their adorable little William!

That same weekend, Thomas took the SAT. He is applying to another school that has a great Computer Science degree, and they require the SAT to get in. We are waiting to hear back about his scores, but I know he did well!

I am still working at Thanksgiving Point, and liking it. I enjoy doing something I am good at, and I feel I am learning more every day. My boss is forgiving and fun to work with, and we get along really well, which I am grateful for.

Thomas and I have discovered that Provo and the surrounding area have an abundance of small theaters that have plays almost every night of the week! This past weekend we took advantage of two of them. On Friday night we went and saw "Mousetrap" at the Lehi Community Theater. The play happens to be the longest running murder mystery in history, and it was very well done. We enjoyed it immensely, and loved the intimate atmosphere. For those of you who went to BYU-Idaho, it was similar to seeing a play in the Black Box theater in the Snow building.

Last night we were just walking down University Ave in Provo, looking to get some Gelato after a yummy sushi dinner. As we walked, we spotted a small theater called The Echo Theater. It was playing Jekyll & Hyde, and we were intrigued. So we bought tickets. It was incredible! The theater company that put it on was very professional, and the actors all had impressive backgrounds in theater. We very much enjoyed both plays, and will be seeking out more opportunities in the future to see any and all stage performances that we can while we are here. It is great that stage productions are so prolific here! It makes it easy to find a date activity, and most of the tickets are very reasonable!

Stay tuned for our Halloween activities, I am excited for this kick-off of the holiday season!

WHAT?!

So...this is going to be an interesting post, but considering most of my readers are women, I figured you guys would understand.

A few days ago I was complaining to my boss about how annoyed I was with my jeans  situation. For several months, my jeans have gotten baggier and baggier. (I know, sob story.) But seriously. I no longer had to unbutton them. They just pulled right off. And it was getting ridiculous.

So I was going on and on, and my boss asked what size I was. I honestly didn't know, but my best guess was a 12 or 14. That was what I had always been, and the jeans I had were a 16, so I figured a couple of sizes down would be perfect. She said she had a few pairs of jeans that she didn't want anymore, and I could try them on.

A few days later, she brought them in. They were 10s. I laughed. "These will never fit me!" I thought to myself. From the time I was 12, I have been a 14. Forever and always I have been at least a 14, if not bigger. It was unthinkable that a 10 could ever fit me. But not wanting to seem ungrateful, I thanked her and took them home with me.

Just for grins and giggles, I tried them on.

They fit.

WHAT.

Had to be a fluke. I am not, have never been, will never be, a 10. They were just streched out from being worn, they were old, they weren't right.

So today, I went to test it out. I walked into Old Navy, and pulled some size 10s.

They ALL FIT.

It was real. It was true. I am a size 10. I have no idea how it happened, but apparently marriage works for me.

I know it's silly to do an entire blog post about my pant size, but I am a girl. Who knows why we do what we do, right? ;)