Sunday, January 22, 2012
What's Next?
School. I have decided to go back and do something about that dead-end feeling. It struck me last week that I shouldn't allow lack of funding to hold me back, and so I am planning on enrolling in the Alternative License program at UCCS and get my Teaching License for Secondary Education. I want to eventually teach High School English. I have always wanted to teach, but my motivation just wasn't at the right level before now, and I figure I am at a stable enough point in my life to make it happen. Of course, it would have been easier to do when I was still and undergraduate, but I guess I'll just have to have faith that this is what I need to be doing right now. It struck me so forcefully that this is what I need to do, so I will trust that and move forward!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Contemplation
It's been a little over a month since I started my new job, and I still love it. The kids are just so fun to work with! I begin as the cook soon, and so I will not get to work with the kids as much as I would like, but the hours are much nicer, so it's kind of a trade-off. So that is my update as far as the job goes.
As far as everything else, it seems having a job that I like and am good at does not automatically solve all of my other problems. Lately I have just felt a little bit lost. Like there is no forward motion happening in my life. I suppose I have felt this way before, and every time I did, I would move. Move states, move apartment complexes, move out of the country, move back to the states, move out of my family's house. But right now, I have nowhere to go. I can't move. I don't know if I am just getting bored with where I am or if I am discontent with the way my life is going. Before, I could always escape. But there isn't an easy way out of the situation I am in now, and I don't know if changing my surroundings will be at all helpful to me right now.
So what I am left with is the monotony of a never-changing tomorrow that I feel powerless to change. I have a useless degree, a dead-end job, a student loan, and it looks as if very soon I will have to add a car payment to that list. I know I sound like a downer, but I'm not sad or upset, I am just at a loss of what to do next. I suppose I could find a way to keep traveling the world, but I don't believe that will bring me any more satisfaction in life than I have now.
As much as I harp on it, I want a purpose. I want to be needed. I need some kind of responsibility in life. I want to be a wife, a mother, a homemaker. But since thus far I have not even seriously dated, I doubt that I will be in that situation for a long time yet.
So then what? What does one do when denied what they have always viewed as the purpose of their time in this second estate? That is what I am trying to figure out. And so far, I am left a little confused and entirely at a loss.
I know what I want out of life. I know that I was born to a purpose and that I am an immeasurably valuable daughter of God. So what am I supposed to do? There has to be more than what I do now. I just have to find what it is that either I am missing, or that I haven't given enough thought, fasting, and prayer to have received an answer for. Until the day that I find it, I will remain a stalwart, faithful, and humble servant in the Kingdom of our Heavenly Father. And if I say that enough times, maybe one day I will actually become all that I am needed to be.
;) Till next time!
As far as everything else, it seems having a job that I like and am good at does not automatically solve all of my other problems. Lately I have just felt a little bit lost. Like there is no forward motion happening in my life. I suppose I have felt this way before, and every time I did, I would move. Move states, move apartment complexes, move out of the country, move back to the states, move out of my family's house. But right now, I have nowhere to go. I can't move. I don't know if I am just getting bored with where I am or if I am discontent with the way my life is going. Before, I could always escape. But there isn't an easy way out of the situation I am in now, and I don't know if changing my surroundings will be at all helpful to me right now.
So what I am left with is the monotony of a never-changing tomorrow that I feel powerless to change. I have a useless degree, a dead-end job, a student loan, and it looks as if very soon I will have to add a car payment to that list. I know I sound like a downer, but I'm not sad or upset, I am just at a loss of what to do next. I suppose I could find a way to keep traveling the world, but I don't believe that will bring me any more satisfaction in life than I have now.
As much as I harp on it, I want a purpose. I want to be needed. I need some kind of responsibility in life. I want to be a wife, a mother, a homemaker. But since thus far I have not even seriously dated, I doubt that I will be in that situation for a long time yet.
So then what? What does one do when denied what they have always viewed as the purpose of their time in this second estate? That is what I am trying to figure out. And so far, I am left a little confused and entirely at a loss.
I know what I want out of life. I know that I was born to a purpose and that I am an immeasurably valuable daughter of God. So what am I supposed to do? There has to be more than what I do now. I just have to find what it is that either I am missing, or that I haven't given enough thought, fasting, and prayer to have received an answer for. Until the day that I find it, I will remain a stalwart, faithful, and humble servant in the Kingdom of our Heavenly Father. And if I say that enough times, maybe one day I will actually become all that I am needed to be.
;) Till next time!
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