There is something about springtime!

It just makes me want to go outside, eat more fruit than any one person should, and have Bar-B-Ques and picnics. I love Spring and Fall, because they aren't too hot or too cold, and both are periods of transition. This Spring I have a bit more on my mind than usual. I tend to be a restless sort of person, mainly due to the constant moving I did while growing up in a military family. As a result, I am always anxious to move on to the next adventure, sometimes to the detriment of my current situation. I also and a very impatient person. When I decide I want to do something, I want to do it NOW! Whether it be something simple like painting a room another color or something big like moving to another place.

At other times in my life, I could really go from making a decision to following through with it in a matter of days. When I graduated from college, I had less than two weeks before I up and moved to Germany for 13 months. When I came home, I stayed with my parents for a while as I figured out what I wanted to do next, but we got tired of each other pretty quickly, and when I decided to move out, I found a place with roommates and moved out in less than 24 hours.

Yeah. I'm like that.

But now, I'm in a different situation. With Thomas in school and working full-time, we don't really have the option to up and move whenever I want. We can't even move apartments, as we have to find things that are pet friendly (and those kinds of places are few and far between here in Provo). I shouldn't switch jobs, because I love what I do and have awesome coworkers, so that's out. I can only dye my hair so many times before it all falls out, so that isn't happening either.

Basically, I am ready for a change. And Thomas is willing to do anything he can to make me happy, including trying to shove two years of school into less than a year so we can move on. So for the past couple of months, we have been planning out exactly how hard we both have to work so that we can graduate, do IVF, and not go into a horrendous amount of debt in the process.

We added and re-added all the credits that Thomas has left, when he could take them, how much we would both have to work, how much it is going to cost for IVF and school at the same time, and how to time everything so it works out just right. And then I realized...

It can't be done. Sure, if I didn't want to see my husband for the next years straight and stress both of us out, neglect our sweet dogs, and possibly go bankrupt, we could probably do it.

But i like my husband, and I love spending time with him. I love it when he's not super stressed out. I love cuddling my puppies. I really love cuddling my hubby.

And so last night, after wrestling with it for a few days, praying and really deciding what my priorities are, I told Thomas we needed to slow it down. Instead for running ourselves into the ground, we are going to take an extra semester and graduate in December of 2015 instead of April 2015. I have felt so much peace after making this decision, and as much as I dread spending more time in Utah, it's better than having an absentee husband for a year. And I can endure anything if I just put on my big girl panties and suck it up! ;)  I know whatever lies in store for us, that we will do it together, and with The Lord on our side, how can we not succeed?

I am grateful for the promptings of the Spirit. I am grateful I am in tune enough to realize when the Holy Ghost is telling me something that I should be doing even when I don't really want to hear it. I know that If I continue to heed those promptings I will be blessed, and so will my family. And as much as I rebel against being here in Utah, I know it's where we need to be right now.

I broke down and got a Utah driver's license today. So I guess it's official...I'm a Utard. For the time being, at least! ;) I really am enjoying being close to family, and friends from college. I am grateful for the new friends I have made, and for the great ward we are in. I know if I can just have a better attitude, I will be able to have a good time here and continue to make our time here pleasant!

And yes, you can go ahead and be proud that I blogged twice in one month.

Until next time!

Much love,
Sam

I Can Do Hard Things

WARNING: This post contains medical acronyms and may at some points be considered borderline over-sharing. If this sounds embarrassing to you, please refrain from reading.

I have given up on being good at blogging regularly. I'm sure when I have something more exciting to blog about, I will be more inclined to do so. But right now, about every six months I can gather enough material to make a good post. If you have a desperate need for more regular updates, please see my Facebook/Instagram accounts, they are more regularly updated with the daily goings-on. Although, if you are currently reading this, you probably already see the inordinate amount of pug pictures and work shenanigans I post. ;)

Moving on...

It's been a crazy six months. Since I last posted we have:

1. Moved. We now live in a cute three bedroom apartment smack in the middle of the Provo low-income neighborhood. Our complex is an oasis of nicely kept lawn, clean sidewalks, and nicely clothed children in the midst of the ghetto. Or as much of a ghetto as Provo can boast, at least.

2. Adopted two pugs, one three years old (Phoebe) and one four-month-old puppy (Daphne). They are adorable and keep us on our toes.

3. Taken two trips back to Colorado, once for Thanksgiving (we stayed in  Florence with Thomas's family) and once to welcome my younger brother Jordan home from his mission to Brazil (we stayed with my family in Colorado Springs). We had so much fun both times, and look forward to when we can visit again.

4. Almost finished two more semesters of school. Thomas is in the middle of finishing final projects for his classes, and is ready for school to be done. He has a two summer terms and two full semesters left before he graduates. We are both ready to be done, and are trying to decide where we want to be when the time comes. We are lucky enough that with Thomas's degree, we can pretty much have our pick of places to go. I am helping by looking at all the fun houses for sale in several of our top city choices...

5. I started teaching a beginners beading class at a cute little shop in Orem, and also applied for and landed a part-time job at the See's Candies in the University Mall. If anyone needs some truffles, I've got the hook-up. I also get to wear a super fun white dress that resembles something a nurse would wear in a nursing home. It has a giant black bow on the front of it. I'm excited!

6. Found out we will never have biological children. And now the over-sharing begins! It's kind of a long story, but that's what blogs are for, right? So it all starts back when I was an angst-ridden teenager...(cue flashback music and fade effects)...

When I was eighteen years old, my periods stopped. Assuming it was due to being severely overweight, I didn't worry about it. At the time I had a lot of other things on my mind, and having children wasn't even on the list. As time went on and I lost weight, it still didn't really concern me. I figured they would start up again once my body adjusted to it's new weight.

They didn't.

Again, being single, I didn't worry too much. Years passed, I graduated from college, moved to Germany, moved back to the states, started jobs, and lived life.

Then I finally got married. And the infertility talks started. I knew something was amiss, as I had not had a naturally-occurring period in almost eight years. I began seeing a doctor. When he told me I was infertile for reasons unknown to him, I sought a second opinion. The second doctor told me that not only was I infertile, but he suspected I could possibly have a tumor, I again switched doctors. This time I took the recommendation of a friend and went to a reproductive endocrinologist at the UofU. He ran one blood test. It told us all we needed to know.

I am barren. I have no ovarian reserve. No genetic material of any kind to contribute to a child. I was a bit devastated at the news. After being told three times that I could never conceive a child, it was finally real. I cried. I wondered why. And after about thirty minutes of wallowing in self-pity, I stopped crying and started making a plan. I called my sweet husband and explained the situation. I told him the options, and we decided on a course to take.

Basically, I am healthy and will most likely have no problem carrying a child to term. I just have no way of creating one on my own. So I could either adopt, or I can find an egg donor. Luckily, I have a sister who is more than willing to donate her eggs so that Thomas and I can have children. She has been an incredible blessing to us, and we are amazed at her willingness to go through this journey with us. because of her sacrifice, Thomas and I will be able to do IVF with a known donor, and chances are it will still even look a bit like me! We have already started the process, and are looking to do the actual procedure in August of this year. We are so blessed to have this opportunity, and are looking forward to being parents hopefully next year! It will be a hard and long road, but since when has anything that is worth doing been easily done?

I am continually amazed at the love and mercy that Thomas and I have been shown by out Father in Heaven. We are so grateful for our trials, because through them all we have become closer to and more aware of our Savior. Every day we are blessed with the knowledge of the Gospel and of it's eternal truth. I know my Father lives, that He loves me, and that through His Son, Jesus Christ, I can obtain a remission of my sins. That I can live with my father in Heaven again. I love my life and cannot give enough thanks for the joy I have received in it. I hope that you all can feel that love for yourselves, and that you can feel of my love as well.

Love,
Sam :)