I Can Do Hard Things

WARNING: This post contains medical acronyms and may at some points be considered borderline over-sharing. If this sounds embarrassing to you, please refrain from reading.

I have given up on being good at blogging regularly. I'm sure when I have something more exciting to blog about, I will be more inclined to do so. But right now, about every six months I can gather enough material to make a good post. If you have a desperate need for more regular updates, please see my Facebook/Instagram accounts, they are more regularly updated with the daily goings-on. Although, if you are currently reading this, you probably already see the inordinate amount of pug pictures and work shenanigans I post. ;)

Moving on...

It's been a crazy six months. Since I last posted we have:

1. Moved. We now live in a cute three bedroom apartment smack in the middle of the Provo low-income neighborhood. Our complex is an oasis of nicely kept lawn, clean sidewalks, and nicely clothed children in the midst of the ghetto. Or as much of a ghetto as Provo can boast, at least.

2. Adopted two pugs, one three years old (Phoebe) and one four-month-old puppy (Daphne). They are adorable and keep us on our toes.

3. Taken two trips back to Colorado, once for Thanksgiving (we stayed in  Florence with Thomas's family) and once to welcome my younger brother Jordan home from his mission to Brazil (we stayed with my family in Colorado Springs). We had so much fun both times, and look forward to when we can visit again.

4. Almost finished two more semesters of school. Thomas is in the middle of finishing final projects for his classes, and is ready for school to be done. He has a two summer terms and two full semesters left before he graduates. We are both ready to be done, and are trying to decide where we want to be when the time comes. We are lucky enough that with Thomas's degree, we can pretty much have our pick of places to go. I am helping by looking at all the fun houses for sale in several of our top city choices...

5. I started teaching a beginners beading class at a cute little shop in Orem, and also applied for and landed a part-time job at the See's Candies in the University Mall. If anyone needs some truffles, I've got the hook-up. I also get to wear a super fun white dress that resembles something a nurse would wear in a nursing home. It has a giant black bow on the front of it. I'm excited!

6. Found out we will never have biological children. And now the over-sharing begins! It's kind of a long story, but that's what blogs are for, right? So it all starts back when I was an angst-ridden teenager...(cue flashback music and fade effects)...

When I was eighteen years old, my periods stopped. Assuming it was due to being severely overweight, I didn't worry about it. At the time I had a lot of other things on my mind, and having children wasn't even on the list. As time went on and I lost weight, it still didn't really concern me. I figured they would start up again once my body adjusted to it's new weight.

They didn't.

Again, being single, I didn't worry too much. Years passed, I graduated from college, moved to Germany, moved back to the states, started jobs, and lived life.

Then I finally got married. And the infertility talks started. I knew something was amiss, as I had not had a naturally-occurring period in almost eight years. I began seeing a doctor. When he told me I was infertile for reasons unknown to him, I sought a second opinion. The second doctor told me that not only was I infertile, but he suspected I could possibly have a tumor, I again switched doctors. This time I took the recommendation of a friend and went to a reproductive endocrinologist at the UofU. He ran one blood test. It told us all we needed to know.

I am barren. I have no ovarian reserve. No genetic material of any kind to contribute to a child. I was a bit devastated at the news. After being told three times that I could never conceive a child, it was finally real. I cried. I wondered why. And after about thirty minutes of wallowing in self-pity, I stopped crying and started making a plan. I called my sweet husband and explained the situation. I told him the options, and we decided on a course to take.

Basically, I am healthy and will most likely have no problem carrying a child to term. I just have no way of creating one on my own. So I could either adopt, or I can find an egg donor. Luckily, I have a sister who is more than willing to donate her eggs so that Thomas and I can have children. She has been an incredible blessing to us, and we are amazed at her willingness to go through this journey with us. because of her sacrifice, Thomas and I will be able to do IVF with a known donor, and chances are it will still even look a bit like me! We have already started the process, and are looking to do the actual procedure in August of this year. We are so blessed to have this opportunity, and are looking forward to being parents hopefully next year! It will be a hard and long road, but since when has anything that is worth doing been easily done?

I am continually amazed at the love and mercy that Thomas and I have been shown by out Father in Heaven. We are so grateful for our trials, because through them all we have become closer to and more aware of our Savior. Every day we are blessed with the knowledge of the Gospel and of it's eternal truth. I know my Father lives, that He loves me, and that through His Son, Jesus Christ, I can obtain a remission of my sins. That I can live with my father in Heaven again. I love my life and cannot give enough thanks for the joy I have received in it. I hope that you all can feel that love for yourselves, and that you can feel of my love as well.

Love,
Sam :)